A Little Bit About Me
I’ve always struggled with 5 minute testimonies, and not just because I hate speaking in public. I know they have a purpose, but this is what I frequently hear while someone is giving their testimony: this is how bad my life was before Christ, this is how I came to know I needed Christ, and this is how great things have been since then. Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but my life hasn’t been like that and still isn’t like that. As my wife so eloquently describes it: “The Christian life is so hard. So very hard. It’s like being filleted with a butter knife- with no anesthesia.”
My life has been about being around hurting people so God could prepare me to be a hurting person, see my need to be constantly reminded of His Gospel, and serve those who are also hurting – people struggling with their relationship with God, chasing after completeness, temptation, humility, anger, depression, living the reality of living in a fallen world, dealing with the consequences of sin, or just dealing with the consequences of the weaving of God’s tapestry.
When God called me to Himself at age 15, the only thing I knew was that I wanted Him more than anything I had seen in my previous 15 years. I didn’t know about regeneration before faith, sanctification, or propitiation. I just desired Jesus. I lived in fear of a step-father who always threatened me with pain and death, but I never had Strength to hold on to while the pain was underway. I remember yelling in fear at my mom from the back seat of an old Buick while she drove aimlessly drunk down a dark highway. At age 10, I remember never leaving my mom’s bedside in fear she was going to die. She was very sick, single, and hurting mightily. At age 14, I remember holding my drunken father while he wept in my arms about the love he lost and would never be able to find again.
Coming to Christ didn’t fix any of that. What God has done, and continues to do through that, though, has been simply amazing.
I used to hold my own father while he wept over his past sins and his utter lostness. Today, I’ve cried in the lap of my heavenly Father, utterly helpless and angry with the lot He cast for my wife and children, struggling with trust, but holding on ever-so-dearly to the truths I knew about God, but were finding ever-so-difficult to emotionally believe.
I’ve held my wife while she lost herself in a never-ending pile of laundry, crying in despair over anxiety, worry, anger, and trust – all the time knowing I was dealing with my own set of issues regarding anxiety, worry, anger, and trust.
I’ve felt the melting away of fear from my children as they ran to me in worry , watching an ambulance take their sister away. They needed me to be Christ to them while I was struggling to hold on to Christ myself.
I’ve been prayed for, prayed over, and watched over by many men in this church, desperately wanting to see the promises of Christ played out. During a time I was leading Men’s Ministry, I remember sitting down to breakfast with “The” Jerry Bridges and his sharing his own struggles with me of his first wife battling cancer. Can the blessings of God get any better than that? Jerry Bridges + breakfast, connecting with you one-on-one?
I’ve watched the process of God sanctifying my life, only to turn the corner and see another pile of dirty laundry that needed His cleansing.
Through all of that, there has been a single constant – God’s ever present Grace, strength, and faithfulness. He created within me a desire for Himself, sacrificed His own Son for me, and has been ever faithful in holding me close. He never promised me a life of ease or that pain would be short-lived. He just promised He would be there. And that, my friends, is what He’s been.
I count it a privilege being filleted alongside you. When we are living out our lot in front of the body of Christ as “exhibit A”, it strengthens the Body & brings glory to God. It makes others want to live for His Kingdom & let their own kingdoms fall.
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